Winning Our Future

At the risk of being flagged as substandard, we posit that our future is winnable. Sufficient quantities of luck and skill still persist in upcoming generations. Old age and treachery have not left the building. Spend a few moments with us to examine precisely how our future might be won: you won't be sorry.

Retiring as the CEO of a multinational conglomerate with gazillions of dollars probably denotes you as a winner in this life. Writing a book extolling the virtues of yourself that sells on Amazon for more than $.01 with free shipping makes the winning even sweeter. You can be like Jack, sort of, but don't plan on ascending to the stratosphere of corporate America. It could happen, but probably not.

The winning barometer pegs when you've written two books with your current wife. Most of us couldn't think of 74 business questions: Jack and Suzy answer them for us in handy book form. The toughest future can be won by applying these solutions to everyday life standing in line at McDonald's.

When your gut publishes a book, winning is already in the rear-view mirror. Writing straight from the gut requires guts and a ghost writer with a radiology certification.

Learn the deep secrets of what happens in the gut of a highly powered corporate CEO. Benefit from the Maalox imbibed by those greater than you. Be prepared to dominate your future when that assistant manager position opens up.

When the phone rings, winners answer it. If Charlie Rose is on the other end, consider yourself a winner in the media circus. Mr. Rose doesn't pursue losers for his uber-sophisticated interview segments. Snookie isn't on the short list.

If you go, take your wife so she can win with you. The two of you can explain to Charlie how to write winning books together.

Germans want to win as much as non-Germans. It hasn't always worked out, but help is on the way. Translating a winning book into German audio opens new markets heretofore available only to greedy Americans. Indulge yourself in larynx strangling topics such as "Einigung auf halber Strecke" and "Wenn Sie derjenige sind, der das neue Geschäft leitet." This MP3 download should play perfectly well on iPods made in China or desktop computers built in Troy, Ohio.

Leadership involves 74 tough questions and 4 words that begin with the letter 'E.' 'Pandering' doesn't start with 'E', else it would surely be the 5th word. This epic tome may not include Jack's current wife in the author's credits, but GE's leadership formula ends up being mostly paternal anyway.

When a winner speaks, someone writes it down and edits it into a serial form. Someone else will devise strategies for reproducing the composition and distributing it throughout the land. A winning book is born.

No mention of any current wives accompany this book, but perhaps one is called out in the acknowledgements: you'll have to read it to find out. We want you to be a winner, but some effort on your part is necessary. Jack would agree.

Uh Oh. Perhaps winning comes at a price. Someone saw fit to question the means used to achieve the end. Evidently more than a few sentient humans lie figuratively crushed in the drainage ditch along the road to winning the future. Mangled careers and extinguished aspirations might be a byproduct of engineering a winning monolith in the corporate world. We're not here to judge, but the author is.

Win something in the future other than a $2 scratch off. Invest in advisory media produced by successful people with wives.