Top Hats

When the weather turns cold or you were too tired to take a shower before leaving the house, you need a hat. Experts estimate that very nearly 16.37% of hat owners either purchased their head toppers online or wished they did. Don't find yourself in the regretful group: we present a compendium of head-shaped clothing that will garb your noggin stylishly and economically.

Whether you are lounging in the basement or attending community college, this stylish knit cap will clutch onto your head through the magic of stretchy synthetic man-made artificial fabrics. Don't get caught in the rain without something to wear.

It's built from angora wool, but the angora sheep don't need it anymore so you're safe there. It's shaped like a human head. It has a flower on the side, thereby eliminating it as a fashion choice for about 50% of the population, but the 50% of the population who probably wouldn't wear it could certainly purchase it as a gift for the other 50% of the population.

Don't plan on attending your next Frank Sinatra tribute concert without a classic black fedora perched jauntily atop your hairpiece. The Chairman of the Board would have loved to own 1 or 10 of these classic hats.

How many of us find ourselves performing aviator duties on snowy slopes, but hat-less? It's a tenuous situation to be avoided at all costs. Don't schedule a flight plan for your Beechcraft Bonanza ski patrol duty until you've stocked up on several of these hats. Keep your head warm while maintaining a search-and-rescue motiff

Sock Monkey gear sweeps across the fashion landscape like boll weevils in Alabama. Don't be left out: all the cool kids will be dressed like sock monkeys after gym class. Order your Sock Monkey accoutrement before we sell out and the world comes to an end. Mayan calendar scientists predicted this would happen.

It comes in over 9 different colors. It's a favorite of fashion-conscious truckers on super slabs across the fruited plain. No truck stop is complete without a complete foam trucker hat inventory.

You, as a non-trucker, don't have to venture out onto the Interstate in order to obtain your own personal foam trucker hat. Your Prius would not be welcome at the gas pumps anyway. Simply order a few caps from the convenient link provided here.

We killed Communism, but this adorable furry hat just might signal the rebirth of our favorite oppressive regime. Picture our president sporting a red white and blue model as he strides down the stairs of Air Force One: it could happen.

No real furry animals were harmed in the creation of these hats. They consist of artificially manufactured furry material harvested from synthetic fabrics by liberated workers. Lenin would approve with a sincere "da!"

It's pure fashion. It won't keep the sun off your head. It won't make you look like a soldier in the Russian Army. It won't even keep your ears warm. What it will do is tell everyone within visual range that you are a bridal princess who orders her hats online. It perches upon your regal forehead like the dream of every member of the British Royal Family. The jewels may not be real, but your social standing will be.

Getting lost on the frozen tundra proves problematic without proper signaling paraphernalia. Pyrotechnic flares probably provide preeminent protection against staying lost, but persistent neon faux headgear proffers pedantic profusions of prolific chroma. Peer pressure pushes populations of persons to periodically push their peaks into such pretentious prisons.

Should you deign to wear a hat, coordinating it with your outerwear only makes good fashion sense. This puffer coat comes complete with a matching topper constructed from similar materials, but in the general shape of a head.

Puffer coats represent an epitome of style but don't break the budget: you'll have cash left over for puffer pants and puffer fish. Black puffer coats go with everything. Slip on a pair of puffer shoes and you're ready for a night on the town.