Top 5 Things Women want from Men

Use these 5 simple tricks to satisfy the women in your life. We all know that females can be difficult to understand. When we men come home from the Big Meeting all we want is a hot meal and a place to eat it that doesn't have frilly place-mats and hand towels that are only for company. For reasons heretofore inscrutable, women want more than that.

Read this list to learn exactly what women want from men. It's not all that difficult. Grab your credit card for a journey into eBay's cornucopia of bargains.

They say they love you, but they will love you more when you hand over the keys to a shiny expensive BMW automobile. Shop online. Bavarian Motor Works builds status, social cachet, and deep abiding love into their vehicles. Get one for all the women in your life.

Look for an automatic transmission because most women can't drive a stick.

Vitamin industries churn out specialized products for women, men, children, dogs, and probably BMW drivers. Don't come home from the Big Meeting with vitamins intended for the wrong audience: your woman wants to know that her supplements are intended especially for her specific gender. Show her that you care.

Women have needs. Their bones crave specialized vitamins delivering targeted molecules to all the right places. Woman bones are not like men bones: just read the bottle and you'll see.

Back in the old days women made their own comforters. They stayed up late at night, sewing by the fire and listening to Oprah on the television set. Things have changed. A comforter can be ordered from eBay and the woman can go off to work on a road crew or a professional basketball team. It's a whole new world.

If you go the extra mile and give your woman her own comforter, she will love you more and she might stop off at Panera to get you a sandwich on the way home from her career.

Women cannot be expected to play golf without appropriate accoutrement. To that end, provide your woman with shiny new clubs purchased from the good people at eBay. Many fine examples of feminine but aggressive styles are readily available for bidding.

Look for name-brands such as Calloway, Ping, and Oprah. No woman can resist a man who gift-wraps gold clubs for major holidays such as Mother's Day. It's a much better choice than flowers because you can't drive a Titlelist with a bouquet.

Females tend to love country music made by other females. A wide array of feminine singers and guitar players constantly churn out melodically significant recordings that would be just perfect for the average woman.

Just pick one and bid on it. They all sound the same anyway.

Yes, most women don't understand football because they actually have a life, but they also get cold faster than any other gender. To that end, we heartily endorse an SEC Hoodie.

Your favorite women will love to pop on an Alabama or LSU pullover when they are cruising down I75 in their BMW convertible. Look for soft fabrics that won't abrade their porcelain complexion.

Every woman secretly grows up yearning for an over-the-road truck. Show up on her doorstep with that diesel engine warmed up: she will go to the prom with you for sure. You can hit the highway together for many miles of hauling and listening to country music.

Trucking companies are always hiring, for obvious reasons. They really want to hire women who have their own trucks because it looks good on the EEOC reports.

Be sure to get an automatic because most women can't drive a stick.