Things to do in Coolville when You're Alive

Run away from your problems and settle in Coolville. It's a great place to be from, but you'll feel welcome even if you were raised elsewhere. Southwestern Ohio offers numerous opportunities for doing stuff: here are just a few of them.

Feel free to contribute your own ideas as well. Let us know how you spend your time in and around Coolville.

It used to be a bank. Now it's not. They will let you check out books for free. The Coolville Public Library typifies Ohio egalitarianism and also connects to OPLIN.

The Ohio Public Library Information Network (OPLIN) exists to provide fast Internet connections along with concomitant information services to Ohio public libraries. In other words, you can go to the Coolville branch and read this article with a computer. Let me know if you are indeed doing that now. I'd love to hear from you.

Boasting over 4 flavors of Frito's, the Cool Stop Truck Stop at 25780 Brimstone Road slakes the thirst and satisfies the appetite of weary travelers along the James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway. You can't miss it. Stop in for some fresh gasoline for your vehicle, but don't drive away without a 32 ounce bottle of Lemon-Lime Gatorade for yourself. Also don't drive away without paying: they will prosecute. They will probably take your license as well.

The Ohio Lottery 'donates' 10% of net proceeds to Ohio public education, benefiting Ohio residents who want to learn algebra and stuff. Pick up a few scratch-off tickets in Coolville to enrich the lives of everyone in the NEA. You might win a few dollars as well. It's supposed to be fun, but I've not tried it myself. Look for the Ohio Lottery logo at finer truck stops, convenience stores, supermarkets, and not libraries all over the state. Play hard and play responsibly.

Given the current state of the economy (check your local listings for the current state of the economy in your area), it's not surprising to learn that the closest hotels to Coolville, Ohio, are in Parkersburg, West Virginia. Although many travelers traverse the James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway, the stretch between Athens and Parkersburg, which includes Coolville, offers precious few lodging opportunities that don't include a tent pitched in a field.

You could pitch a tent at Stroud's Run State Park. A non-electric site costs $19 per night. You might elect to sleep in your car at the 197.58 mile marker on SR 50 to take advantage of the rest stop thoughtfully provided by the Ohio Department of Transportation (expect to find a family restroom, free drinking water, and parking for your car and 39 others.) Neither option seems as attractive as the Comfort Inn located in Parkersburg.

Pick up a copy of the Athens News to stay up to date with Coolville current events. Ohio University generates copious amounts of journalism school graduates: many of them write and report for this venerable publication. Modern copies are delivered daily to Coolville including coupons and color supplements.

Coolville muskrats are not a minor league baseball team or a skateboarding gang. They don't represent subversive grass-roots political parties growing in the heartland of the United States. They are simply furry rodents inhabiting local swamps, wetlands, and back yards.

Coolville has not yet become infested, but there's surely government grant money available for enterprising grant-writers with an eye toward studying stuff that's already there anyway. Hook up with a crackerjack scientist from Mariette College or Ohio University to secure gobs of research money.

Unlike Frito's, the amount of real estate in Coolville is limited. Investing in a house or three will keep you busy until the public library opens and you can get your copy of USA today. Property in Coolville is always on sale: take a close look at single family homes and multifamily dwellings. There is an agency called The Real Estate Place offering listings in this part of Ohio.

Yahoo can tell you where the hospital is: http://local.search.yahoo.com/search?p=hospital&addr=coolville. Hint: it's not actually in Coolville. Better hint: it's not even in Ohio. They will treat you in Parkersburg.