The Writing of Hubs

OK, this was intended as a song parody. It was intended to be somewhat subtle. Hopefully someone would recognize it as a take-off on the song 'Naming of Cats' from the musical Cats.

Evidently the Internet is not that subtle any more. In the interest of full disclosure it has been suggested that supplemental words and sentences and paragraphs be added in order to make the hub more unique in the majority.

I can do that.

Anyway, my original plan was to re-write the lyrics based on the original song. It's not my best work but my best work isn't all that great so I had nothing to lose by publishing it. After attempted publication,dedicated teams of computers went to work.Those computers would have been better off performing crash test analyses on 1966 Corvairs, but this is not my sandbox.

It has been computed that my lyrics are duplicate content and therefore unpublishable in the original form.

If you're not too bored to actually work your way down to the lyrics, there's also a message in there somewhere for Internet authors. I thought it was within 2 standard deviations of good Internet Writing. I felt that it would nestle comfortably into my panoply of average hubs that no one reads after the first week of online availability. They make me happy.

The writing of hubs is no trivial matter
It's can't be just one of your amateur schemes.
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a hub must have three different themes.

First of all, there's the content that people read barely
You need pathos and ethos and intrigue and plot
You need grammar and structure, use images rarely
Always be sensible, it won't be for naught.

But I tell you a hub needs a theme that's strategic
a theme that's elaborate but more underlied
Else how can you please the hub censors, demagogic
or get past their banning, or with them abide.

Of themes of this kind, I can give you a quorum
Do not link to blogs, don't engage in slander
Be mindful of word count and language decorum
Do not over-eBay: you'll be substandard

But above and beyond there's still one theme left over
And that is the theme that you never will guess
The theme that no human research can discover
But Google indeed knows, and will never confess

When you notice a hubber in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is fruitless, although:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought
Of the thought
Of the thought
Of his SEO.

Having never seen Cats or any other play, I have no idea how the tune is supposed to go. I wouldn't know a Broadway play if it danced across my toes as I watched reruns of Star Trek. I wrote the lyrics based on the rhythm and syllabic distribution of the original words as I read them from a reputable source. It may not have been the correct reputable source: I may have committed a parody rewrite of a rewrite.

If you waded through this commentary and you actually read the parody lyrics and you are OK with the aborted subtlety and you have any brain cells left, please leave a comment. I read all the comments and I comment back on many of them. At the time of this writing I am a Level 6 Commenter on HubPages. That may be a point of pride, or not. Many of my peers achieve a higher level of commenting because they seem to have a knack for it. Commenting is just not my forte.

Most of my hubs these days consist of snarky product reviews following a goofy theme such as "Buy Happy Online." No one reads those either although I have been assured that shortly I will be an Internet Millionaire via Amazon affiliate magic.

Still waiting on that to happen.

If you or anyone you know has become an Internet Millionaire, please let me know how you did it. I promise to torment you mercilessly if you claim to have any SEO pseudo-expertise, but otherwise I will sit at your feet and gladly accept nuggets of wisdom scraped from your shoes. if you have an honest clue as to what Google considers to be Good Writing, we'd all love to hear about it.

I honestly thought this hub was about Hubbing, but I have been suggested that it belongs under Books,Literature and Writing ->Poems and Poetry -> Song Lyrics. That would never have occurred to me without external intervention. Please accept my apologies for interfering with your cultural pursuits.