Save The Penguins

Innumerable problems beset this little blue marble we call home. Our Earth suffers from plagues and pestilences that would humble a lesser planet. Thanks to the Internet, we can make each other aware of what must be done to somehow preserve our biosphere. Many online resources exist solely to provide invaluable information pertaining to stuff that's going to kill us or make our lives yucky.

Possibly the greatest threat to our modern lifestyle is the constant attack on our flightless friends, the penguins. Uncountable numbers of these harmless birds are massacred every day before breakfast. Experts expertly estimate that a dramatic decline in penguin populations may be a possible ancillary contributor to global warming, biodiversity food-chain disruption, and cat acne. No one knows what the future holds.

We lament the online treatment of Penguins. We concurrently wonder where the funding originates. Some one is paying for all these games: is there an anti-penguin conspiracy? is George Bush somehow involved? Most of the web sites we have identified do not even require an account of any kind. Anyone with a computer and an Internet connection can browse to these pages and begin penguin pummeling in a completely anonymous manner. No credit card or email address need be furnished. It's all free. Free online games are usually a wonderful thing, but penguin repercussions must be considered.

Most biologists agree: leave a penguin alone and it won't bother you. This horrifying video game actually encourages penguin poking, which as we all know is a leading cause of annoyed penguins and workplace injuries at work.

This game is deceptively simple to play: click on the penguin. Click, click, click, until the annoyed bird suffers a nervous breakdown and whams you with a mallet. It probably doesn't have a license to carry the mallet. It certainly ends up as a burden on society after being forced to deal with its' impulsive, albeit understandable, behavior. Precious few flightless birds have sufficient mental health insurance.

Please, find something else to do with your computer. Consider the consequences of your actions. Poking penguins can only lead to problematic penguins.

Penguins come with well-fitted tuxedos as standard equipment. No biologist, zookeeper, or professional butler that we contacted had anything good to say about dressing penguins in people clothing.

Imposing garments of questionable fashion on innocent penguins is tantamount to stuffing a poodle into a cable-knit sweater. One can only speculate as to the damage that this 'game' has done to the image of life at the North Pole. Perhaps our children are growing up under the impression that penguins frequent frozen fashion malls to purchase modern accessories with cold hard cash. Hopefully it's not too late to teach our children well: please get the word out before it's too late.

If you must dress up a penguin, take a few moments to peruse appropriate avian fashion magazines and web sites beforehand. Try to avoid unmatched accessories that will only serve to turn your target penguin into a playground pariah.

We honestly don't know what's going on here.

Apparently, a cold-weather animal has developed snowball-building skills and concurrently acquired some extremely effective footwork. We can't be sure which animal it is: it might be a maladjusted polar bear or a rogue elf. These traits add up to untimely death for hapless penguins.

In the interest of pure research we attempted to play the game. We were unable to determine what the goal was or what controls were available. Each time we played, the penguin was overwhelmed in short order by the ice ball. It always ended badly for the bird.

As with many free online penguin massacre games, this game is free to play and requires no validation whatsoever. Penguins can be bowled over until your Internet connection goes down or the library closes.

Please think twice about the impact you are having on the penguin ecosystem. A small semi-flightless bird might not seem like a big deal to you, but it has a Mommy and Daddy that desperately want it to waddle home at the end of the day.