Our Internet Needs More Cats

Dogs, horses, ferrets, gerbils, snakes, and hermit crabs make lovely pets. We all enjoy coming home to a panting slobbering shedding beast of a canine after a long day of of offering to upsize combo meals for ungrateful customers. Instead of dragging the thing through the neighborhood and picking up droppings with a plastic bag, go online and look at some cats. It's cheaper and it usually smells better.

In the interest of free cats, we provide photos of cats. Don't thank me, just gaze lovingly and resist the urge to pet your screen.

This particular cat wields a far-away gaze indicative of sleepless nights hiding from the dog. It's almost illegally cute and you can't argue with that. Don't try. Some countries plan to deploy images of this cat in the event of national disaster.

In keeping with our premise that our Internet needs more cats, we proudly present another cat. This particular feline example lives outdoors. It subsists on mice, shrews, birds, rabbits, and mostly Purina Cat Show left on the neighbor's back porch. It's an adorable beast compared to the average Labrador Retriever. It requires no maintenance except for the occasional rub behind either ear. It's devastatingly cute under any conditions.

This cat is at home on either side of an Oreo Cookie. Were you to find it digging up your tomatoes, you would for a nanosecond be incensed, then you would be overwhelmed by innate cuteness. You would whip out the cat toy that you always carry and attempt to build a lasting relationship with the kitty. It could happen.

No cat need be pure-bred or demonstrate a lengthy documented lineage, as is required of horses or venomous ducks. The average cat on its worst day emits more molecules of cuteness than a kennel of Bichon Frise specimens. This is a very average cat.

This particular cat has won several endearment contests and her adorable quotient is off the charts. Cat scientists don't come from near and far to study her, but she does like to play with string.

As stated previously, any cat image benefits the Internet immeasurably. Experts estimate that if every online dog photo was deleted, the world would be a better place by 6.34%. We cannot differ.

Here is the same cat again. In this particular photo there is no dog, no snake, no marmoset, and no other cat to distract from the distribution of cuteness. Scientific analysis by real scientists indicates an extremely high level of adorability emanating from this cat, which is easily observed by even the most casual observer.

Be sure to obtain cat-related services from actual feline creatures. All too often a less-desirable example of nature's mistakes will attempt to curry favor. Particularly disconcerting are the chihuahuas venturing up from Mexico, taking jobs away from American cats. Don't get confused.