I am not from Coolville, Ohio

Having earned millions counseling people away from SEO charlatans, I typically spend my spare time searching for myself on HubPages. Many years ago I was banned from the forums but my likeness continues to be recalled regularly. Someone is always writing about me. A good thing, this is.

Recently I was pleased to read about myself in the context of a thread I started long ago. Upon writing it, I instantly forgot about it because there was a guy on my doorstep who wanted to give all his money to SEO wizards from Mars or Silicon Valley, possibly both. After talking him down we enjoyed a refreshing pomegranate refresher and resumed our normal lives. The thread took on a life of its own as well.

So this other hubber, BedBugAbscond, bestowed upon me a really cool complement via his forum comment. He probably doesn't know me very well, but there has been an unmarked van parked outside for a few days so I can't say for sure. His thoughtful comment suggested that I might be from Coolville, Ohio.

This presents a huge problem for me. I have already violated a Google Prime Directive by not mentioning the title keyword 4.26 times in the first 1.7 paragraphs. Evidently what you are reading represents an example of bad writing, according to the current Google algorithm, called Gerbil I think, and there are too many commas in this sentence. If you're with me this far, you have no taste whatsoever so you have nothing to lose by continuing.

It turns out that even Wikipedia recognizes the village of Coolville. Many people are from there. In Ohio, a village is incorporated and can change its speed limits without asking permission from DOT and EPA and FEMA and PBS. You could be zooming along The James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway, which nips the corner of their fair city, and realize, to your horror, that the speed limit suddenly dropped to 25 mph as a Coolville law enforcement representative demonstrates the primary colors that his vehicle is capable of generating. It's a cool physics lesson, but your insurance company is a bunch of liberal arts graduates with no sense of perspective.

Anyway, Coolville (keyword density is improving nicely, captain) seems like a nice place to visit and also be from. They don't care if you end sentences with prepositions and there's an elementary school if your run-on sentences exceed nominal standards.

They also have cats and probably dogs, which is a good thing because this Coolville Cat Expose is much more believable that way.

Coolville residents aspiring to education beyond typical Amish levels must venture out of the village to Federal Hocking High School in Stewart, Ohio. The trip is short and may be accomplished by school bus or a brisk 9.4 mile walk up SR 144. The school mascot is The Lancers because Wikipedia said so.

Certainly you need not be from Ohio to be from Coolville. Metaphorically writing, we are all cool cats in our own way.

Wherever you're from, mind the speed limit on the James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway and don't forget your keyword density. Google always watches even if the Coolville officers are moonlighting at the Federal Hocking vs Trimble boys varsity football game.