How to Comment on My Hubs

All too frequently I find myself quietly waiting in line at Chipotle, only to be accosted by fellow black bean aficionados craving advice. I cannot take a few moments to ponder brown rice vs white rice without well-meaning admirers seeking guidance pertaining to commenting on my hubs.

I understand the concern these people have. Their level of interest should be applauded, but I would drop my delicious burrito on the postmodern flooring. Herein I present a few basic guidelines for commenting on my voluminous authorings. Feel free to peruse my suggestions before interrupting my lunchtime. I understand that you all mean well, but this level of writing can be tiring. I require consistent free-range carbohydrates.

All too often I must deal with an uninformed commenter who neglected to read everything I wrote. Such behavior baffles. Perhaps their house ignited or they encountered a big word, but my quality of life certainly degrades when I am obligated to triage these comments.

My hubs must be taken as a whole. Each composition includes a beginning, middle, and end. Do not expect to cherry-pick individual sentences or paragraphs and generate germane comments from those snippets. You're going to miss something. The entire hub takes you on a journey of pathos and ethos -- if you don't read all of it, you're likely to write a comment dripping with bathos.

Comments regarding seasonal anomalies in the gross recipients of antebellum cosmetology schools are always welcome, when well researched. On the other hand, plan to embarrass yourself unless you come strong to the hoop with authoritative sources.

Wikipedia is not a source. You may use Wikipedia as a starting point for your research but plan to delve deeper before commenting on my hubs. Fellow commenters expect and appreciate your due diligence.

Your sources, no matter how authoritative, will not be considered unless properly formatted. I prefer the IEEE citation format, available here.

Comments from Democrats/Progressives/Liberals are always welcome. We each have a contribution to make, we all benefit from an occasional cautionary tale. Feel free to leave uninformed comments, but don't expect to be coddled. Characterizing Rush Limbaugh as Satan''s spawn without actually providing a link to a birth certificate not from Kenya will be met with logical derision. Overly colorful examples are also a bad thing, usually.

Sometimes your eyeballs are sufficient. I don't necessarily need your words. Simply increasing the view count for my hub should provide you with self-satisfaction.

The world needs anonymous readers, too.

Pick your spots. Read the entire hub. Ponder, ruminate, and discuss amongst yourselves. A cogent comment may eventually congeal among your synapses. Rehearse the verbiage by posting it on a lesser Wordpress Blog. Engage a proofreader. Revisit your wordings the following day. If they still make sense, consider the option of possibly posting on my hub.

I perceive your elementary ruse. A glowing complement on my hub followed by a link to your remotely-related hub will not stand. It's nothing personal. Actually, it is.

My hubs are about me. This is my sandbox. Your comments are a privilege, not a right. No freedom of speech exists. Should you attempt to sneak in a link to a hub not originating from my fingers, expect immediate deletion.

See, the purpose of my hub is to benefit me. Allowing your link allows readers to leave my world and enter your world. I don't want that. You may insult me, but don't link away from me.

I don't care if you Like me, Pin me, Digg me, or AnythingElse me. You can Ping me, Vote me up, or anoint me as useful/Funny/Awesome/Beautiful/Interesting in any combination. I don't care.

I will not return these digital sentiments unless you actually demonstrate merit. Your Bollywood hub will not receive my gratuitous clicks. Your Agenda 21 ramblings do not deserve my endorsement (a state park is not a detention camp.) Publishing the 1 millionth composition explaining how to get backlinks on HubPages does not pique my interest.

Addendum: If you 'follow' me I will probably 'follow' you as well. It's a low-effort activity that doesn't require any actual thinking on my part. My follower count is mildly interesting to me.

I know it's you. Omit the "I think" clauses. Keep your word count down. Should you feel the need to refer to my scribblings as insipid or insightful, proceed forthwith without the qualifiers indicating that such opinions are yours. We understand you're not representing the entire Internet.

Before exercising your privilege to free speech on my comment capsule, prudence dictates that you cut your teeth elsewhere. A hubber such as Mark Knowles would be a good place to start. Mark is a nurturing individual with many evocative compositions spanning gamuts of human experience. Find a hub that tickles you fancy and deposit your heartfelt comments thereupon. Mark will surely respond promptly, offering all manner of supportive support to improve your commenting skills.

Go bother this guy.

Are you ready?

Follow this simple advice. Leave a tentative comment in the comment capsule conveniently provided below. Subject to my approval, you just might be digitally enshrined into the nicomp commenting Hall of Fame. It could happen.