ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Housewarming Gifts

Updated on June 18, 2015

Arrive with a gift

When invited to a housewarming party, being something to leave there. A gift should be considered a moral obligation regardless of culture or region of the world.

Your friends just bought a house, for goodness sake. They need almost everything. We all love pizza but unless your hosts have utensils and place-mats, the party could descend into anarchy. Plan ahead: bring along thoughtful gifts that will be immediately useful and long-appreciated.

Are simple knick-knacks socially acceptable as housewarming gifts? Absolutely. We all want stuff to adorn our unadorned windowsills, bookshelves, and TV-trays. Little statues of blissful children never fail to disappoint. A hand-painted forest creature or a pop culture icon will look adorable on anyone's mantle.

A high quality photo that is related to the content
A high quality photo that is related to the content | Source

Heat on DVD

170 minutes of Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro tends to warm up a household. A cadre of professional bank robbers (there are amateur bank robbers?) stresses out after leaving one too many clues for the cops. Fans of good acting and stellar cinematography will find themselves warmed up almost immediately.

This digital heater includes a host of other famous people like Val Kilmer before he bloated and Ashley Judd before she became a liberal nut job. John Voight appears several times, but he's in pretty much every movie anyway. Michael Mann directed the film. He's also responsible for the Miami Vice television series. That was really hot.

Hair Dryer

Thousands of watts of heat spew from the business end of a quality hair dryer. These things sound like a flock of passenger jets leaving LaGuardia, but the price for dry hair must be paid.

No one turns down a chance to blast their wet head with scalding hot air generated through the miracle of electric resistance. Your housewarming will be complete if you remember to bring along styling gel, curlers, and conditioner. Revlon makes a really good model with secure grip and superior balance. Keep it out of the bathtub and always plug it into a GFI outlet. You can also find GFI outlets on Amazon: deploy a qualified electrician for proper installation.

Fireplace Insert

Nothing warms a house like a crackling fireplace, but nothing stinks up a house like a crackling fireplace. An electric insert eliminates the need to actually set stuff on fire. Look for units that provide authentic artificial crackling sounds and flickering LED lights to simulate real logs burning.

A soothing electric motor blows soothing electrical heat into the room. Gather family and friends to sing holiday songs and drink instant tea: your holidays will be complete.

Ceramic Space Heater

Even the coldest house will be warmed by strategic application of ceramic space heaters. Simply plug it into any handy electrical outlet, then bask in the glow of high-tech thermal enhancement. Don't worry about danger: these things are much safer than fireplace inserts and candles. You can also carry they around to distribute heat as-needed throughout the long cold winter.

They tip over, but they don't spill flammable fuel or ashes. There's no burning. Electric energy from your household current finds itself converted to thermal energy. This handy thermal energy spreads throughout the immediate area and causes a heating effect.

It all happens inside a ceramic insert scientifically designed to warm you and your friends. Ceramic materials don't ignite or smell bad or need to be replaced regularly. You won't have to cut firewood.

Diesel Generator

Should you find yourself at a loss to pick out a thoughtful housewarming gift, give the gift that powers everything. Whether your recipients heat with electric, gas, propane, manure, or wood, this adorable generator will provide years of reliable power.

Grateful friends will be able to run their iPads and microwave ovens at the same time. When the apocalypse finally arrives this will be a very hot item. Your name will not be forgotten as everyone hunkers down for a long hideout in the hills.

When you show for the housewarming party towing this beast behind your F450 dually, no one will wonder why they invited you. Extra-thoughtful hint: bring along a tank of fresh diesel to get the party started.

Food Dehydrator

Sometimes we simply want less water in our food. All too frequently a grape or a carrot bulges with an overabundance of liquid. Deploy a strategic food dehydrator to solve this problem.

Simply drop in some over-hydrated food and flip a switch. High-tech physics combines with modern heat to remove any recalcitrant water from the object of your affection. Dehydrating fruits and vegetables will warm your heart and make the housewarming party an event to remember.

You can send everyone home with a 'goodie bag' of shrunken soy beans. They will never forget you.

BMW

Guaranteed to endear you to your host and hostess, a BMW is the ultimate housewarming gift. Leave it parked in the driveway with the engine warmed up and the leather seats nicely heated.

You can't go wrong. No BMW ever left the assembly line without a quality heating system including fans, ducts, and thermostats. Hard-working HVAC engineers toiled mercilessly to bring you what may be the finest climate control accoutrement that can travel at 140MPH.

Solar Panels

Our faithful Sun donates massive heat to you and your loved ones. It may warm your heart to learn that even a minute fraction of the energy racing down from 99 million miles away will heat your house rather well. This sunlight can also be converted to electricity.

Strategically distribute a few solar panels throughout the outer surfaces of your dwelling. Electricity will appear in the wires, as if my magic. But it's not magic. It's physics.

A 100 watt photovoltaic cell provides sufficient power for a 100 watt light bulb. This is not very convenient because you don't need the illumination when the Sun is beaming into the panel. On the other hand, you could store the electricity in a battery and use it during the dark hours. We're here to help.

Hot Sauce

Things were always warm in the Scoville household. When Wilbur and his family staged a housewarming party, friends and lab assistants knew they were in for a long day. Today we immortalize the hotness of our food through scientific measurement of Scoville Units, or the Scoville Organoleptic Test.

It comes in a jar and it hurts to eat. It's convenient and it damages your internal organs. It's inexpensive and your taste buds may never recover. It's forever trendy and it's sold under names such as 'Death to Your Esophagus' or 'Eat this if You Hate Yourself' or 'I Can't Believe it's not Pepper Spray.'

Pay homage to our favorite pharmacist by bringing along mega doses of mouth-burning goodness. You'll get used to it.

16,000,000,000 Scoville units inhabit the cactus-like plant called Resin Spurge. That's a lot. If your house is in Morocco you can probably walk outside and grab a handful. Don't touch your eyes.

Toast

It's warm bread and everyone loves it. Even homeowners on a gluten-free diet will graciously accept toast as they welcome you into their abode. Don't let them eat it. Digestive ills notwithstanding, you cannot go wrong with this gift.

Look online for high-quality devices specially engineered to produce reliable and delicious crunchy bread on-demand. Hamilton-Beach, GE, Cuisinart, KitchenAid, and even Black and Decker all should be considered as you settle on a toaster.

Do you need a 6-slicer? Perhaps not. A family of four will probably eat 4 slices at a time as they gather around the breakfast table before heading off into the world. Supplement your morning meal with orange juice and bacon so you can prepare more slices as the initial offering is consumed. It's multitasking at its' finest. This strategy is guaranteed to prevent you and your loved ones from ever running out of toast.

These housewarming gifts will warm any house

See results
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)