Fight for your manhood

Real men don't want to smell like the toilet so they splash on Eau-De-Toilette before leaving the condo. Dose your favorite dude with just a few daily drops. Guys need the confidence inspired by specially engineered smells. It has undertones of exotic cooling soothing inspiring exciting nostril-pleasing scent molecules that only Adidas knows how to cram in to a little bottle.

When you take the family with you, it's called a vacation. When you go by yourself in a little boat it's called a voyage of manhood. Learn the difference by appreciating this epic reproduction rendered in authentic wall art. No manly art collection should be without examples of moody artistic depictions. Men love to splash on some eau-de-toilette while dreaming of piloting our little boat over roaring rapids. It's something we all have in common.

Men wear boots. We don't go out in sandals or slingbacks. We swath our feet in customized leather accented with studly studs and accents and insets. We festoon our soles with lugs. We lace up to our ankles and tie off in double knots. Nothing short of a tumble down K2 will dislodge our footwear.

The highest pinnacle of macho men participate in online video games, usually with each other. This shining example offers dudes the opportunity to venture into new worlds jam-packed with fair maidens, dragons and flagons of mead but without the septic living conditions and abysmal dental hygiene of medieval times.

Rescue the Orb of Goob from The Evil Clomping Priests or endure a quest to save Princess Griselda from giant head lice. There's hours of fun for every kind of manly man.

It's more soothing than energy drinks and it goes well with Eau-De-Toilette. Certify your manhood by sipping tea from a steaming macho mug while you play online video games and dream of voyaging alone in your little boat. No one will dare challenge you when you cut in line at Starbucks.

Few perils in this perilous world cannot be banished through strategic deployment of Kings of Leon. These macho long-hairs bang their heads together to produce some of most musical music imaginable by human beings. Manly men already know, but it never hurts to restate the obvious.

Load this digital music into your iPod before heading out to the gym for some intense elliptical training. Your quads will burn but your ears will thank you.

In the interest of achieving 500 words, we continue to prattle on the subject of manhood. Continue purchasing manly stuff to securely cement your macho status or the status of those macho men in your life. We can't go it alone. We must hang together in a clump of testosterone-fueled meat-eating Eau-De-Toilette-wearing boot-lacing Kings-of-Leon-listening tough guys who drink herbal tea even when other people are looking.

In the interest of surmounting 700+ words, we examine manhood in greater detail. My Dad taught me how to change the oil in our family vehicles. I learned willingly and ably. This skill serves me well many years later. I save voluminous amounts of money and time by changing my own oil in my personal driveway rather than subjecting myself to the vicissitudes of retail oil-change establishments.

If you can't find the oil filter or you don't know which direction to turn it or you are frustrated by run-on sentences, ask for help. Oil draining and replacement can be learned by almost anyone. It's a lifelong skill even if you don't use it regularly. Look to YouTube for helpful pre-recordings of thoughtful people demonstrating precisely how they achieve new oil in their personal vehicles.

Fresh oil and oil filters can be purchased at great discounts if you plan to plan ahead. Look for valuable coupons in newspaper color supplements and also online. Do not wait until the day of the change to purchase your supplies. Get everything in advance and squirrel it away in your garage.