Can't We All Just Get A Long?

At the risk of having too many product listings, we present the definitive list of long products from our favorite online auction site, eBay. Everyone needs a little length in their lives. You may be a golfer or a basket-user: there's something here for everyone.

If you love batteries, we have amazing news for you. Scroll down slowly and try to read without immediately whipping out your credit card.

Our world runs on caffeine and batteries. Duracell manufactures an awesome array of precisely engineered electrical storage devices designed to power all your toys. It's tragic to leave the house strapped to a Walkman containing dead batteries: don't let it happen to you.

Just think of all the handy devices in your life requiring long-life batteries:

• Garage door openers
• Cordless phones
• Watches
• Flashlights
• Watches with flashlights

Sure, you could grow your long hair, but we live in a microwave society. When you want a longer coiffure, you want it now. Order up hair extensions from our favorite online auction site, eBay. You'll have a new 'do in the time it takes for the mail to arrive. Your friends and family will be impressed with your ability to remake yourself on demand.

Add feathers, wild colors, and beads to your extensions for a 'look at me' look. Those thing will never naturally grow from your head anyway. Just clip it in and head out for another day of corporate ladder-climbing.

A better place to tastefully store your hair extensions and batteries might be available on our favorite auction site, but we have not yet identified such. Long ago, in central Ohio, enterprising basket weavers began weaving baskets unparalleled in basket weaving lore.

The Longaberger company blossomed into a multinational corporation while remaining true to their basket weaving roots. You can visit their Homestead in Frazeysburg, OH, and you can order hundreds of their products via eBay. Either way, you'll have heirloom-quality places to put your stuff.

After your batteries and hair extensions are safely tucked away in your baskets, it's time to get long with your golf. Appropriate clubs will drive your balls much farther.The variety is virtually endless: whip out your credit card and shop until the battery in your wireless mouse expires.

Spend money instead of investing long hours at the driving range. Simply order up new ball hitters from eBay. Your golfing friends will be impressed and they might let you go first.

Golfers often need to wear clothes while playing their game. A soccer jersey for your favorite golfer will add that special touch to their wardrobe when they enter a satellite tournament that just might lead to the US Open.

These jerseys will keep the sun off their muscular forearms while offering a higher level of fashion than stodgy 'golf shirts' sold in pro shops.You certainly may play golf whilst sporting such togs. The US Open may frown upon your choice of apparel, but that probably won't be problematic for you in particular.

Should you, or someone you buy gifts for, insist on wearing a watch around your neck, a restraining device becomes a necessary accessory. The necklace doesn't tell time, but it allows the watch to dangle appropriately throughout the fashion day. Without the long necklace, it's a pocket watch at best.

You could probably play golf while wearing this and you could certainly replace all the expired batteries around your house as it hangs from your neck. We're not here to judge.

Instead of shopping for long things such as hair extensions and batteries, let's join together to not take illegal drugs and get beaten up by police. It's a long-term goal to which we all should aspire.

A little effort on all out parts could make this happen. No one really wants to be pummeled under any circumstances even if they find themselves under the influence of ingested substances not available at Walgreen's.

Look online for cool stuff, but bear in mind the path to true happiness just might not be tied to accumulating stuff.