Buy Survival Clothing

69

By nicomp

You Need Survival Gear

The world will end, someday. It may be a gentle sleepy ending or a tumultuous ostentatious penultimate implosion caused by a software glitch somewhere in the power grid. Either way, we all need to be dressed for the occasion. Online sources of disaster clothing and survival gear can be very convenient sources for much-needed products. Shopping for just the right items to tuck into your bug out bag is a great way to pass a casual Sunday afternoon in the bunker. We all need a little down time.

This list of survival clothing is a perfect place to start. Don't be left out when the rush for fashionable yet functional wearables hits the Internet. Most of the Internet will probably be down when the world ends anyway. Be prepared. We've compiled a comprehensive list of tops and bottoms and shoes and headgear that will ease the stress of waiting out the inevitable rise of new civilizations. Whip out your credit card and shop until you drop onto the couch.

Hide from the rampaging zombie hordes, in style.
See all 5 photos
Hide from the rampaging zombie hordes, in style.
Source: amazon.com

WOMEN'S CAMO STRETCH FLARE PANTS

Sometimes you just want to blend in to your surroundings. Sure, getting rescued is often desirable, but hiding in plain sight often has distinct advantages.

Women need to survive as much as men and pets. To that end, stock up on a few pairs of camo stretch pants for the ladies in your bunker. Each pair has exactly 4 pockets for stowing matches, knives, maps, sun block, a very small tent, and other crucial apocalyptic accoutrement.

There may no more catwalk on which to cavort, but no one wants to be seen rummaging through burned out dumpsters for recyclables unless they are properly attired. A copper-colored YK zipper ensures perfect color coordinating with these stylish pants. 2% spandex provides just enough stretchiness to evade even the most ardent zombie pursuers. The 43% cotton/ 55% ramie blend adds up to a fabric that wears like iron but moves like Egyptian silk. Escaping back to the safety of the camp fire will be a piece of cake.

WOMEN'S PINK CAMO STRETCH FLARE PANTS (1-2, Pink Camo)
Amazon Price: $28.49
List Price: $42.49
The movie was awful: order several of the shirts.
The movie was awful: order several of the shirts.
Source: amazon.com

Mens Shaun of the Dead Zombie Survival Attack T-shirt

Shaun couldn't survive, but you can. Sporting this handy T-shirt may be just the help you need to get you through the checkpoints leading out of the radioactive zones. No one would suspect you to be a zombie sympathizer when you proudly commemorate one of the world's most atrocious zombie movies.

Use this shirt as a layer when Nuclear Winter descends. The 100% cotton blend will keep you warm and comfortable. It feels great against your sensitive skin during long hours in the bunker. The front graphic serves as a crucial reminder of survival gear that just might save your life. The world could end in so many ways: always be prepared to whack a zombie in the face with a cricket bat.

This shirt will also provide much-needed camouflage as you hunker down in the darkness to wait for a passing clan of survivors who just might be as likely to knock you down and steal all your stuff as ask you for the time of day. Don't trust anyone when the world ends. Until you're safely secured in your mountaintop lair, no one is your friend.

paracord is the new duct tape.
paracord is the new duct tape.
Source: amazon.com

Survival Paracord Bracelet w/ Buckle

Sure, you need to stay fashionable in the face of impending doom, but be certain that your accessories offer some level of functionality. Paracord has emerged as the new duct tape. This ingenious bracelet fits comfortably and lightly on any survivor. In an instant, it morphs from a stylish statement into a length of string that may save your life in life-threatening situations.

Simply unwind the paracord and get to work surviving. When finished, look forward to a relaxing weekend spent re-weaving the cord back into a fashion statement. This process can be repeated repeatedly, as long as your supply of water and diesel fuel holds out. Order enough bracelets for the entire survival party and throw in a few extras for your bug out bags. They also make great stocking stuffers and party favors: an impending apocalypse doesn't mean you have to stop celebrating.

This 7-strand polyester cord has amazing strength and water resistance. Use it to restrain recalcitrant members of your survival party or shore up structural deficiencies in the makeshift shelter that you now call home. The uses are endless, as your life probably will not be when the Mayan calendar expires.

A cross between Fidel Castro and Tyra Banks
A cross between Fidel Castro and Tyra Banks
Source: amazon.com

4540 Woodland Camouflage Adjustable Fatigue Cap

Shield your head because you'll need it to survive. Squeeze your melon into a specially designed hat guaranteed to provide better camouflage than the dust cloud obscured sunlight glinting off your bald dome after battling lice infestations in the bunker. No one cares about your hair when the food supply is running low, but they will talk about you behind your back unless your hat is fashionable yet functional.

This hat meets hat standards defined by the US Military, which may be a good thing when you have to ask them to provide air support so you and your family can escape from the warlords who will no doubt wrest control of the major cities. When all else fails, trade the hat to a roaming band of opportunists to they will give you some precious clean water. It could happen.

It's 55% cotton and 45% polyester: neither of which will be available in abundant supply when the world markets collapse.


4540 Woodland Camouflage Adjustable Fatigue Cap
Amazon Price: $6.49
List Price: $9.99
You will step in something when the world ends.
You will step in something when the world ends.
Source: amazon.com

No Water Get In! Rain Motorcycle Bike Cycling Boot Foot Leg Cover Black

A hard rain's gonna fall, and you will step in it. Don't imagine that puddles filled with pleasant rainwater and gently quacking ducks will be the only underfoot hazards. Eventually you and your survival party will be obligated to traverse mucky swamps of hazardous unidentified waste seeping from long-unidentified 50 gallon drums scattered throughout once-thriving industrial areas. Don't expect that a pair of Crocs will protect your pedicure, not even the Special Edition Survival Crocs.

Slide on several pairs of these waterproof foot covers to give yourself a fighting chance to traverse the dead zones and meet up with other survivors who have food to swap for your Seinfeld DVDs. They are light-weight but packed with high-tech features such as sealed seams and PVC construction.

Secure side zippers and buckles will keep your socks dry. High-visibility tape may be just what you need to save your life when you get separated from your family during frantic moments of abject terror. The end of the world will not be a picnic.

There won't be a shoe store on every corner for several hundred years: be prepared. You don't have to ride a motorcycle to benefit from these shoe covers.

Conclusion

Stock up fashionable and survivable clothing. There will be no close-out sales when the world ends.

Comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop Level 8 Commenter 7 months ago

With the way things are unfolding I think I had better stock up on this merchandise.

psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net Level 4 Commenter 7 months ago

Shoes will be important I agree Nicomp - ruined places are terrible on your feet!

drbj profile image

drbj Level 8 Commenter 7 months ago

"apocalyptic accoutrement"? What noteworthy writing skill!

Now why didn't I think of that. Do not worry. I will!

nicomp profile image

nicomp Hub Author 7 months ago

@breakfastpop: Stock up!

psychicdog.net: Protect those precious paws.

@drbj: Feel free to steal from me. Everyone else does.

Robwrite profile image

Robwrite Level 7 Commenter 7 months ago

What does the well-dressed man wear to an underground bunker end-of-the-world party?

nicomp profile image

nicomp Hub Author 7 months ago

@Robwrite: Anything from this treatise would certainly be appropriate.

shoeless 6 months ago

Where are the shoes?

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