5 Things to do when you're board

Find something to do.

Get off the couch, turn off Honey Boo Boo, and participate in the world. We're out here waiting for you. Demonstrate your talents to us and we may give you money in exchange. Your ability to support yourself dramatically increases when you have a marketable skill.

Here's a list of suggested activities in which to participate. Peruse our comprehensive compendium. You may be surprised or you may be enraged. Either way, we've engaged your brain. You're welcome.

People will always get sick, and not just from reading this nonsense. Authentic medical conditions arise almost daily as medical researchers strive to assign medical-sounding names to every little hangnail or sniffle. Medical care must be provided by qualified nurses. Qualified nurses must be provided by Nursing Boards.

Someone has to make up the examinations and hand out the certificates that are suitable for framing. The Ohio Board of nursing authenticates some of the finest caregivers from Cleveland to Cincinnati. No one escapes their ever-vigilant gaze across the medical landscape of human intervention. In other words, if you want to be a nurse in Ohio, you gotta go through these folks.

Furniture doesn't grow on trees. A handy electric saw facilitates the transition from ancient majestic oak to underwear drawer. Go outside and look around: there's a potential board in every tree. Look online for multitudes of brands and models for your cutting satisfaction. We endorse Black and Decker along with whatever Sears has on sale this week.

Remember: measure twice, cut once. Wood is forgiving but it has a memory. It stays cut. Cutting with the grain is called ripping, while cutting against the grain is called the Democratic Party.

Always were eye protection regardless of your sawing direction. Sawdust permeates every available opening, crevice, and wrinkle. Your clothes will smell like fresh-cut lumber, which is better than spending $50 at Bed Bath and Beyond for a designer fragrance.

Public accountancy provides us with a level of confidence in our daily financial dealings. The great state of Texas convenes an Accountancy Board to provide certifications for this burgeoning field of endeavor. Imagine how disastrous the Enron scandal would have been without Accountancy Boards in Texas.

You, too, can become one of these crucial people. With a ton of study, a good calculator, and certification from Texas State Board of Public Accountancy, the world can be your financial oyster.

A CPA, or Certified Public Accountant, type of person has good math skills as well as a cool green visor. Expect to pore over multitudinous spreadsheets long into the late afternoon, then head out to play golf. Your billing rate will be commensurate with the amount of education and experience you garner over your long career. There will always be someone to audit, except Congress.

Businesses generate data, then get overwhelmed by it. Simply storing the data is not enough. Enterprising data scientists in conjunction with public accountants provide third-party products that analyze. Slicing and dicing corporate information is big business these days, and not just for the NSA.

You will need high-tech tools to get the job done. Don't expect to stuff your data into a shoebox under the corporate couch. Implement speedy cloud-based solutions that leverage core competencies while synthesizing internal logical goals. Combine human capital with corporate structure to derive best of breed decision support in real time. You can do it all. Nothing will stand in your way when you have massive and expensive tools.

Institutions of higher learning prefer you to be thoroughly tested. Nursing colleges and accounting schools as well as carpentry institutions look for high scores on standardized exams. ACT and SAT represent thoroughly standardized tests designed to measure basic intelligence prior to college admission.

Look to collegeboard.org for date and times. Opportunities abound for demonstrating your proficiencies. Math matters. Science counts. English also comes into consideration when applying for admittance to any self-respecting school in the United States. Instead of making up a test, most schools happily rely on results proctored by The College Board.

Some schools welcome you as long as the check clears, but the resulting diploma may end up as bird cage liner. If you prefer a degree recognized by major employers, take the ACT and/or SAT before applying to a real college.

Online classes count a little: keep the pajama courses to a maximum of 20% of your entire curriculum. Most employers want some assurance that you can get up at a ridiculous hour and prepare yourself to meet the world in a personal manner. It's nice to be adept at Internet academia and it's even nicer to look someone in the eye and participate in a face-to-face class.

Nothing smells more like success than a cooking show on basic cable TV. Viewers eat it up. You can branch out into books, morning news show vignettes, and hopefully you won't get fired for something you said 20 years ago.

In order to succeed in cooking businesses, you'll need a cutting board. Learn to chop. Learn to master the paring knife. Become proficient in slicing and dicing. Feel yourself becoming absurdly wealthy as camera 1 zooms in to document your skills. It could happen.

A highly quality cutting board becomes a necessity. It could be constructed from wood or plastic or a composite amalgam of both. No self-respecting TV chef cuts onto the counter. The cutting board gratefully receives food chunks for temporary retention. Simply slide your chunks into your stew or marinade or quiche or spaghetti as prepared by dedicated interns off-camera. Yum!