5 Amazing Things for Golfers

The first guy who went golfing found himself extremely late for the 19th hole. His day was consumed with trudging back to his horse for a better club or another tee or a golf shirt with a different logo on it. After several rounds of iced-tea in the clubhouse he realized that a bag to carry golfing accoutrement would be splendid.

You, as a modern golf player, have the opportunity to benefit from advanced golfing bag technology. Order up a bright shiny equipment carrier before it's too late to help your game.

Golfing barefoot is like going to a beech that doesn't have naturally occurring sand or water. Your friends will laugh at you and you could whack yourself in the foot with a club. Real authentic golf footwear provides much-needed strategic protection: who cares if they're really expensive or they look like something Bing Crosby would use to discipline his children?

Don't even consider the possibility of pondering opportunities to play golf in some other kind of shoe.

You need thousands of these things. They are made of wood and plastic, not smoke, but they vanish like congressional ethics after the last ballot is counted. Order tees in all shapes and sizes. Order vast quantities of tees and jam them into every cubbyhole of your new golf bag. Tuck them into the arm rests of your Cadillac. Give them as gifts to those less fortunate. Whatever you do, please continue ordering and paying for as many golf tees as you possibly can.

After obtaining your new rangefinder you may as well hire someone to hit the ball for you as well. Why don't you just sit in the cart, sip iced-tea, and let Eldrick putt for you? Just roll over in bed, punch the alarm clock, and continue dreaming of eagles on the Blue Monster. I mean, sheesh, if you can't be bothered to estimate your own distance to the pin, just tear up your muni membership and become a NASCAR fan.

Golfing begets dirt. Serious golf players return from 18 holes absolutely filthy from the bottom of their sponsored cleats to the top of their sweat-stained custom socks. To that end, stock up on absorbent yet fashionable towels to keep crud at bay. Your golfing friends will talk about you behind your back unless you do this.

Recalcitrant cuffs could spell the difference between making the cut on Friday and picking up another shift at WalMart. Restrain your shirtsleeves with these handy gizmos before your game collapses. Not just any cufflinks will suffice: be sure to adorn your hand-tailored linen toggery with novelty clasps decorated up with clubs and balls and cool stuff like that.